I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
