DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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