Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
