he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
