Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
