Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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