i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
