my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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