So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
