Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm at about main and main street
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
