Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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