Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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