I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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