I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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