I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
