Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
