The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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