the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
