Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
