please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
