I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
