You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
