you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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