Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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