Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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