Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
