Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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