I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just tell him i said nine months
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Thank you for not boning my boss.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
