Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
