Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
so much tequila, so little girl.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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