Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
