i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
