I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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