just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
