I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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