You're earring is so big in my mouth
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
