I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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