Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
