I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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