So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
