Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
