"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
