the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
This is my gift to your gina
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
