He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
