It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
