apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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