I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
