So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
