well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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