I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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