He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
